White Power Milk feat. Gargling Purification Process

Beim Begriff „White Power Milk“ hatte ich auch erstmal ganz andere Assoziationen, aber es handelt sich hier um Milch, die von „rich, beautiful, white girls“ so richtig durchgegurgelt wurde. Laut den FAQ meinen die ihren „Gargling Purification Process“ durchaus ernst, liefern allerdings nur in die USA.

Ich nehme meine Milch jedenfalls von Ellie, weil sie „produces a cinnamon undertone giving her milk’s creaminess a pleasing ‘bite’. You can taste both high and low culture from her mouth. It’s well-bred, but hidden underneath is something pleasingly mischievous.“ Ich weiß es doch auch nicht. Das Dings kommt von Nate Hill, Netzkünstler und Fotograf mit oft wiederkehrendem Rassismus-Thema. Find’ ich gut, aus irgendeinem Grund. Wahrscheinlich egen Ellie.

Milk that may appear by smell to be perfectly consumable (even organic), can contain contaminants such as suspended particles, parasites, bacteria, viruses, and fungi. Through extensive recruitment within the upper echelons of society, we deliver the finest milk purified in a way only we can. Our secret ingredient is in the process through which rich, beautiful, white girls gargle your milk to absolute perfection. It’s her touch that sets us far above the rest. Our diverse selection includes West Coast, The South, New England, New York, and London. Each of the carefully selected girls offer subtle differences of background, yet what they share is most important. All are waiting to clean your milk with their mouths. That is our promise to you!

To be eligible to filter White Power Milk, each white girl must be accredited as socially elite and deemed physically in superb health. However, rarely is it necessary to involve interviews or doctors. When we find the right girl from the right family, we just know. The purification process begins with the purest raw organic cow’s milk (absolutely no bovine growth hormone, no antibiotics, and no pesticides in the feed). This milk is stored in our Upper East Side, Manhattan cold storage facility awaiting your order. At that time, she enters our adjoining private spa area, and meets her attendant (usually a fellow White Power Milk gargler). The attendant collects her jewelry and clothing, assists in her bathing, and directs her mouth rinsing regimen. Needless to say, her dental health, and overall oral health is flawless.

Finally, she is led to the gargling room where she purifies your milk carefully for the allotted time the attendant dictates. The longer she gargles the milk, the more contaminants are able to be removed and the purer your milk becomes, so we, of course, recommend you request maximum purity. After she is done, the milk is deposited into your glass bottle, sealed, and returned immediately to cold room for delivery.

White Power Milk (via JWZ)