Priest Gimp
Ein Priester aus Springfield wurde offensichtlich von seiner Dominatrix oder seinem Dominator im Pfarrhaus im Stich gelassen, mit Handschellen gefesselt und ‘nem Knebel im Mund. Die Aufzeichnung des Notrufs geht grade die Runde:
“I’m going to need help getting out before this becomes a medical emergency,” Father Tom Donovan told a dispatcher who sounds a bit incredulous during the Nov. 28 call. “You’re stuck in a pair of handcuffs?” the dispatcher asks. “(I was) playing with them and I need help getting out,” Donovan responds.
Donovan told the dispatcher that he was alone in the rectory. It’s not clear exactly how he ended up in handcuffs or why he feared a medical emergency. His voice sounds garbled or muffled on the tape, and sources say that police discovered some sort of gag on the priest when they arrived.
Tied up at the moment – Cuffed priest granted leave (via JWZ)
Sex-Ghosts and Mummies with big Dicks
Tolles Interview mit Paul Koudounaris über sizilianische Sex-Geister und Mumien mit großen Penissen. Yep. Über Koudounaris und dessen Buch „Empire of Death“ hatte ich hier schon ein paar mal gebloggt: The Empire of Death: A Cultural History of Charnel Houses und The Midnight Archive Ep.6: The Empire of Death.
One of the more outlandish stories is about a guy who got to be called “pene grande,” which means “big dick.” He was a mummy famed in life for having a big penis. People would go down to the Palermo Catacombs and treat him as the patron saint of big cocks. Finally a newlywed woman came to see him because she was married to a guy who was not well-endowed. She took a cloth and rubbed it on the mummy’s dick, and then rubbed it on her husband’s dick. The next time she had sex with her husband, his penis seemed larger and fuller and she was about to orgasm except that at that moment she looked up and saw it was actually the ghost on top of her. Everyone thought she was crazy, but then it happened again the next time she had sex. They had to set up an exorcism for this ghost.
How does one expel a penis ghost?
They had a blacksmith make a tight-fitting sheath made of metal, and once the husband got erect the ghost came out and got caught in the codpiece. They threw holy water at him.Then what?
That expelled the ghost from the guy’s body. So forever he had a small penis, but he was free of the ghost. As for the ghost, he gained a great following among older ladies, and eventually so many were coming to see him that they had to lock the mummy in a back room, which is where he remains to this day.
NSFW Vegetables: Meerrettich that makes you go Hmmmm…
Youtube Direktrettich, via Arbroath
Etsuko Ichihara hat ein paar Rettiche mit Sensoren ausgestattet und die reagieren jetzt auf Streicheleinheiten. Only in Japan.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is the “Sexual Harassment Interface”, a series of daikon radishes wired up to electric sensors that produce erotic moans and groans whenever they are touched. With just a few pieces of simple electrical equipment, these poor, innocent radishes are transformed from simple brassicas to legs, arms, butts and, well, whatever you want them to be.
“Sexual Harassment Interface” Lets You Grope Moaning Radishes
Developing a working Auto-Detection for Penis-Drawings
Für ihr Wii U Miiverse Social Network musste Nintendo eine Auto-Detection für Penis-Zeichnungen entwickeln, damit die Plattform halbwegs jugendfrei bleibt und in einem Interview erzählen die Entwickler von den Hürden in Form von Penisbilder-Studien, die die Entwickler nehmen mussten. Ist wie ‘ne Pimmelstudie für Coder. Hilarious!
Kato: Kurisu-san suggested we study different types of penises in order to create figure out the relative shape and size people would draw. We spent a week doing that before we realized that we should have been looking at drawings of penises rather than real-life pictures. (laughs) We were very embarrassed about that.
Kurisu: My judgement on these types of situations is poor. (laughs)
Motoyama: After a week, we made very good progress on the system. Then we tested the system with Nintendo of America and told them to start drawing. It went horribly.
Kurisu: What we learned is that people enjoy drawing penises. Multiple ones. (laughs) The system was not prepared to handle that.
Iwata Asks: Miiverse Penis Drawing Detection Took Weeks to Develop (Danke Peter)
Hacked Dildo works like a Theremin:
Beth hat sich einen Vibrator gebaut, der wie ein Theremin funktioniert und berührungslos gesteuert wird. Mein Lieblingssatz von dort für die nächsten fünf Minuten: „I wanted to hack something I actually use: my vagina.“
Nekromantik IRL in Sweden
Eine Dame in Schweden ist mit einem Skelett in der Wohnung erwischt worden. Die Frau hatte die Knochen offensichtlich als Sextoys benutzt, tatsächlich ziemlich genau wie in Buttgereits Nekromantik. Die Bilder in der Galerie bei The Local sind, wenn man den Film nicht kennt oder auch sonst eher empfindlich ist, genau richtig für einen kuscheligen Wohlfühlstart in die Woche.
A 37-year-old woman, who was arrested in September, was formally charged on Tuesday at the Gothenburg District Court for the crime of “violating the peace of the dead” (brott mot griftesfriden).
The prosecutor could not explain how the woman had managed to collect almost an entire skeleton, but explained that the human remains had been used in an “unethical” way.
“In the confidential section of the investigation we have material which indicates she used them in sexual situations,” the prosecutor told the TT news agency.
A Realistic View on the Petraeus-CIA-Sex-Scandal:
Es gibt wenig, für das ich mich weniger interessiere, als Gossip – auch wenn er Geheimdienste betrifft. Daher finde ich es ziemlich bezeichnend, wenn ausgerechnet The Onion den bodenständigsten und realistischsten Ansatz zum „Skandal“ haben: Widening Petraeus Scandal Reveals Human Race Has Been Having Sex For 200,000 Years.
50 Shades of Chicken
Ich kenne Fifty Shades of Grey nur aus ein paar Witzen von Craig Fergusons Late Late Show auf CBS, ist wohl ein ziemlich erfolgreicher Literatur-Porno oder sowas. Jetzt gibt’s davon einen Kochbuch-Remix mit 50 versauten Hühnchen-Rezepten und jeder Menge Bondage-Chicken und der Buchtrailer wird erzählt von Patrick „Captain Picard“ Stewart. Now you know.
Dripping Thighs, Sticky Chicken Fingers, Vanilla Chicken, Chicken with a Lardon, Bacon-Bound Wings, Spatchcock Chicken, Learning-to-Truss-You Chicken, Holy Hell Wings, Mustard-Spanked Chicken, and more, more, more!
Fifty chicken recipes, each more seductive than the last, in a book that makes every dinner a turn-on.
“I want you to see this. Then you’ll know everything. It’s a cookbook,” he says and opens to some recipes, with color photos. “I want to prepare you, very much.” This isn’t just about getting me hot till my juices run clear, and then a little rest. There’s pulling, jerking, stuffing, trussing. Fifty preparations. He promises we’ll start out slow, with wine and a good oiling . . . Holy crap. “I will control everything that happens here,” he says. “You can leave anytime, but as long as you stay, you’re my ingredient.” I’ll be transformed from a raw, organic bird into something—what? Something delicious.
Fifty Shades of Chicken (via Nerdalicious)
Amazon-Partnerlink: Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook
Anti-Masturbation-Video In Da Club, Yo!
Sevenload Direkt50cent, via Interweb3000
Ein Anti-Wichs-Video der Zeugen Jehovas auf Gebärdensprache, unterlegt mit 50 Cents „In Da Club“. Das Original auf Youtube ist bei uns natürlich geogefickt (oder geogewichst, um im Bild zu bleiben). Hier noch eine Variante mit Ice Cube. Wunderschön, trotz 50Cent-Müll.
The Book of Mormon Missionary Positions
The Book of Mormon Missionary Positions von Neil DaCosta.
Sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. Any other sexual relations, including those between persons of the same gender, are sinful and undermine the divinely created institution of the family. The Church accordingly affirms defining marriage as the legal and lawful union between a man and a woman.
Anal Tattoos for Assholes
Youtube Direktanal, via Ronny
Auf der South Florida Tattoo Expo in Coral Springs gab’s unter anderem die Anal-Tattoos dieser Dame zu sehen. Tattoos für Arschlöcher. That is all.
Pornstar Stoya reads the Necrophilia Variants while enjoying a Vibrator
Youtube Direktdildo, via Gawker
Stoya, Star aus cineastischen Meisterwerken wie „Bad Girls 6“, „Taste of Stoya“ oder „Power Fuck“, liest aus Superverts „Necrophilia Variations“ („Necrophilia Variations is a literary monograph on the erotic attraction to corpses and death“), während ein Vibrator im Schoß der Holden seinen Dienst verrichtet. Porno, Dildos, Literatur und Tod… alles gleichzeitig… dit is doch mal was, doh!
Das Video ist Auftakt einer neuen Clip-Reihe namens „Hysterical Literature“ von Fotograf Clayton Cubitt, hier hat Stoya ihre Gedanken zum Dildo-Dreh aufgeschrieben:
This attempting-to-read-aloud-and-maintain-composure while being sexually stimulated game is new. The video camera adds a dash of exhibitionism which I always appreciate. Most interesting, though, is the Hitachi that my vagina is about to be making very good friends with for the first time.
When I tell Clayton’s lovely assistant for the evening that I’ve never experienced the Hitachi, her eyes light up. I’ve obviously gotten myself into the most fun kind of trouble. Lights get set and everyone assumes their positions. My underwear lays on the floor out of frame. As I start reading, my disbelief is suspended. I forget what is about to happen. The first touch on my thigh sends all available blood to my vulva. I continue to enunciate properly, focusing on the text. I’ve broken a sweat. If this goes on for much longer my hair will be plastered to my head with perspiration as though I’ve been working out or engaging in acrobatic man/woman penetrative fucking.
Vintage Anti-Masturbation Device
Ein altes Anti-Wichs-Tool aus dem 19. Jahrhundert aus Frankreich, haben sie im Jahr 2008 für knapp 3000 Dollar auf Ebay versteigert.
The rare 19th century item is made of copper and was designed to be worn by boys so they could not commit the ‘sin’. Attached to a belt it would have encased the genitalia. The bizarre antique dates back to around 1880 and was used in Catholic France. It is being offered for sale on auction website eBay with a starting price of £750.
Seller David Burns, of Curious Science, says that during a quarter of a century dealing in medical curiosities he has never had one for sale… “This is the first example we have offered for sale in 24 years. The condition is excellent. Three and half inches top to base.”
How To dress a Fetish-Catwoman in Latex
Youtube Direktlatex, via Ektopia
Faszinierendes, hypnotisches Video von Fashiondingsbums Showstudio, in dem ein Model zehn Minuten lang in Latex und Gummi gekleidet wird und am Ende als Fetisch-Catwoman rumstöckelt. Privat würde ich niemals Unnerbuxen aus Gummi tragen, finde das allerdings visuell extrem spannend. Naja, und dann Catwoman halt, was willste machen. Schick!
Coinciding with the display of her ‘Armour for Prostitutes’ in SHOWstudio’s ‘Selling Sex’ exhibition, latex doyenne Atsuko Kudo provides a lesson in dressing for pleasure. Slowly enveloping a nude model in layers of rubbery fabric live on camera, Kudo offers a unique, and subversively fetishistic, exploration of the dialogue between clothing and empowerment.
Review of the Keith Haring-Sextoys
Animal New York hat sich die offiziellen Keith Haring-Sextoys von Tenga („The Future of Masturbation is here!“) genauer angesehen und das Review liest sich genau so, wie man sich das vorstellt:
First off, yes, you can literally fuck Keith Haring’s art! And, though these are masturbatory aids, you’re not obligated to go solo. The entire set is festive with Haring signature radiant babies, barking dogs, graffiti hearts and dancing men, all very joyous, vibrant, moving. For “a world where people everywhere can safely and freely enjoy their sexuality” via ”unprecedented internal design” — think Keith Haring Foundation condoms, but even safer. […]
And so, comrades of ANIMAL with penises not frightened by the future tried them out. Here are their honest thoughts:
The KHC-101 Original Vacuum Cup
“The diagram in the instruction booklet made it look like some sort of medieval torture chamber or a Chinese finger trap, but it’s much easier to use than I thought. Unwrap it, take off sticker on top, unscrew bottom, and put your dick in!“
YES, WE TESTED THE NEW KEITH HARING SEX TOYS, mehr dazu auf Artinfo: A Pop Shop for Pleasure: Keith Haring’s Artwork Adorns a Sophisticated Male Sex Toy
